Two years since Mac Miller passed away and I am still so crushed by this immense loss. The summer of 2010: I was 13 and Mac Miller had just come out with his debut single “Knock Knock” which resonated with angsty teens like me. When I think of it, I recall the music video of Mac in a snapback and Vans singing along to the song with his friends at the skatepark. With the recurring verse, “One, two, three, four / Some crazy ass kids come to knock up on your door so / Let ‘em in” I was totally on board and my parents were not. There are definitely some more lines in that song that were super inappropriate for a kid in their early teens, but I’m glad the 'rents let me be free in my music choice since they knew I was creative and interested in that field. I can’t believe that was a whole decade ago.
It seems odd that I could miss someone so much without ever having met them, but I basically grew up listening to his music. After his smash single, came a stunningly nostalgic album titled Best Day Ever that is often played in tribute to him because of the attitude he takes toward life. He was just this fun-loving, spontaneous spirit that ignited my teenage soul. He knew how to live in the moment and cherish the little things, even as his fame took off. “No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile / Pursuit to be happy, only laughing like a child / I never thought life would be this sweet / It got me cheesin’ from cheek to cheek.” I was so happy to have discovered an artist who was both raw about his struggles, but also incredibly positive.
He first broke out with lots of energy as any up-and-coming rapper would, proving his skills through his speed and rhythmic syllables. His song “Get Up” often helped me get motivated for the day, reminding me that the world will go on without me. “In a world that go ‘round, you up or you down / You in or you out, you smile or you frown / Just get up.” It was a catchy tune that still has me head-banging. With all of his upbeat style, came songs that showed his life outside of the partying and success. One of these was “Life Ain’t Easy,” a tribute to the hard work that had to be put into his dreams to come true. “From the outside looking in it seems that I’m fine / But they don’t know shit about the everyday grind.” He mattered because he was just another kid from Pittsburgh, but made a big statement in the music industry. “Whole bunch of stories for the neighborhood kids / Tell ‘em to believe, they be makin’ it big.”
Eight months later we were blessed with Blue Slide Park, featuring pump-up hits like “Party on Fifth Ave” and “Frick Park Market” to be blasted at backyard fires and friend circles. “Missed Calls” had a more somber tone that was played on repeat to exaggerate the heartbreak from two-week long middle school relationships.
Then came the beloved relationship between Mac and Ariana Grandé. They were very enjoyable to stalk on Instagram, watching their love story play out how it may. When their duet “The Way” came out, the pop culture world swooned. Three years later, The Divine Feminine came out, also with Grande as a feature, opening the song in a dream-like manner in “Congratulations.” The album is dedicated to her, ringing back their unconditional love story, “You was there when I was just a starvin’ artist when the car was havin’ trouble startin’.” Riffing this song every day in the car as I commuted to school on Western Ave is one of my most vivid memories. In every picture, you could tell how explosive their love was, and so came “My Favorite Part” another duet that relit our hearts once again. “You just don’t know how beautiful you are, and baby that’s my favorite part.” So simple and sweet.
We all knew that Mac Miller had problems with drugs, but we didn’t quite know how bad it got until his album “Swimming” came out. With song titles like “Hurt Feelings” and “What’s the Use”, his fans, myself included, became increasingly worried about his inevitable fate. This was most pronounced in his music video for the popular track “Self Care” that featured Mac laying down in a coffin smoking a cigarette. Of course, this song isn’t about actual self-care, but the opposite - how his habits would drive himself into the grave. Instead of dabbling into the fun partying life like in his earlier songs, he now acknowledged how far deep he had gone away from reality and it was a profound cry for help.
I wanted to use the larger part of this article to harp on Mac's contagious joy for life more so than his grapples with life. He loved little moments with his friends and girlfriend, despite his inner demons. It hurt me to hear his pain so vividly in his music and physically see it in his videos, and wondered how much longer he could survive all of the substances. I had a feeling he would be taken sooner than later, but certainly not 35 days after the release of “Swimming,” after the excitement of a new Mac album and playing it on repeat to and from classes.
I remember September 7th, 2018, days after I moved into a new dorm for a fresh semester; I was bopping around my new place when I scrolled through Twitter and saw Wiz Khalifa’s tweet end in "RIP Mac" and was heartbroken. Another one taken from us. Another creative whose drugs proved his simple statement, “Everybody’s gonna live, and everybody’s gonna die.” He was always aware of his mortality, sometimes more than others. In his song Soulmate, he says, “No matter what, everyone dies / You think you are God until you run out of time.” I know his death was an accidental overdose, but you wonder if started to give up the fight and let the drugs take him. In any event, I will take this time to say addiction is a disease and should be treated as such. If you are struggling, call 1-800-662-4357. Mac Miller was a relentless worker, goofy, lovable, and human just like the rest of us. And he didn’t let us forget it.
His posthumous album featured his last performance at Tiny Desk Studio of “2009”, where we could all see how much he was suffering, but still notice the sparkle in his eye from the healing qualities of music. I regret not going to his concert when he was in the area years ago, and wish he was alive to make more music and perform more of his talent. But today, I will be thankful for waking up, for my health and for the music he left with us to remember his legacy of love, joy and living for the day in front of us.